Define Fruit
by The Dark Flair
Summary: A conversation about fruits and vegetables suddenly turns into embarrass Roxas time. And Roxas gets accused of being a fruitable. Is a tomato really a fruit? Why is Pluto not a planet? AxelxRoxas Oneshot


Define Fruit  
Oneshot (Mostly Dialogue)

"You are the fruitiest thing to ever walk this earth, you know that?" Roxas scoffed.

"How dare you compare me to fruit!?" Axel huffed.

"Because you're so...you just...it's out there! Like you don't give a shit about what people think!" Roxas laughed.

"Why do you say that?"

"You fucking licked me, Axel..."

"Oh my God! Really!? Well for crying out loud, capital offense! Put me in jail already!" Axel smirked. His voice was literally dripping with sarcasm.

"Guys don't lick other guys!" Roxas yelled.

"True. But this guy licks everybo...I lick CERTAIN people."

Roxas buried his face in his hands. Is he really having this conversation? Like, honestly?

"Humor me, Axel, what is your definition of a fruit?"

"Marluxia."

"Be serious! No, what makes Marly a fruit?"

"Well for one, he has pink hair, he openly flirts with everything with a penis, he paints his nails, goes on shopping sprees, wears skirts, he fucking licked me-"

"I-! YOU just licked ME!" Roxas yelled.

"But there's a difference!"

"There is no difference!" Roxas laughed, slapping the couch to emphasize each word.

"There's a goddamn difference! Would you want Marluxia licking you?"

"No..."

"So you want ME licking you?" Axel grinned.

"...I like girls, thank you very much!"

"That's not answering my question."

"What's the question?"

"Would you rather Marluxia licking you...or me?"

"Neither!"

"But if you HAD to pick...?"

"You, damn it! At least you won't rape me later!"

No promises...

"Go on. What else defines a fruit for you?"

Axel turned towards him, crossing his legs and looking up towards the ceiling in thought. "Hmm...a fruit would admit to bring a fruit. I would if I were but I will not because I am not...so I won't. Get it?"

"You...are most definitely a fruit," Roxas rolled his eyes.

"What's your obsession with fruits? You missing a couple apples there?" Axel teased.

"I have an EQUAL amount of fruits and vegetables so shut up!" Roxas thought it sounded better in his head. And it did. Now that he's said it out loud, he's sure Axel's gonna-

"Oh I get it!"

"Axel, don't..."

"You're not completely sure WHAT you want for a snack; a carrot or an apple. So you pick-"

"Axel, shut up!"

"Both!" he grinned.

"I-! You-! No! I am perfectly fine with just an apple! So shut the hell up!"

Wait...aren't apples...fruits?

"Well now!" Axel laughed.

"I meant carrot! Apple was the last thing you said, so it was the last thing on my mind!" Roxas defended.

"So I say apple and you instantly think about a penis?"

"I NEVER SAID THAT! WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THIS SHIT FROM!?" Roxas laughed.

"Well I assumed that we were talking about-"

"We weren't!"

"Well excuuuuse me!"

"Alright, aright. Let's put the penis jokes behind us."

"Oh you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"I...walked into that one. I won't even get mad," Roxas sighed.

Axel threw his head back in laughter. This has got to be the funniest conversation he's ever had.

"So what are you? You say you're not a fruit, but you're not exactly a vegetable either," Roxas asked.

"I think I'm a tomato. Nobody knows what the fuck that thing is."

"Axel, it's a fru-"

"Nobody...knows what it is," Axel repeated with a glare.

"It's a proven fruit!"

"Fruitable. Moving on! Let's just be planets. I'm fucking misunderstood Pluto!"

"Pluto...Axel, Pluto isn't a planet..." Roxas sighed.

"Since when!?"

"Since YEARS ago!"

"I just can't win, can I? Um...okaaaay...I'll beeee-"

"A fruit!" Roxas laughed.

"Fine! Since you want me to be a fruit sooooo badly, I'll be a damn fruit!" Axel crawled over and smashed his lips against Roxas'. For a split second, Roxas contemplated pushing him away.

But he couldn't. He kinda walked into this one too. Or at least that's the excuse he gave.

The kiss deepened and Roxas sighed through his nose. When did this happen? And why? Axel smirked against his lips before he pulled away. "And you said I was the fruit..."

"Don't...tell anyone, okay?"

"Oh, I won't," Axel smiled, taking out his phone and running away.

"Damn it, Axel! Don't you dare!"

"Hey Demyx! Did you know Roxy's a fruit?"

"Kill me now..."

Hi peoples! I had a random urge to write some Akuroku! Poor Roxas gets tortured though. It's in Axel's nature to tease him.

Review and tell me what you think!  
*TTO*


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